Sep 19, 2007

"But God!"

Good morning :) Well, we haven't heard anything yet from Brentwood but a sales job has opened up at my husband's company, giving us yet more options!:) My husband will apply today, as long as he is allowed to(technically the position had run it's listing course and was going unlisted yesterday afternoon as my husband discovered it,but very often they still let guys apply if it hasn't already been filled.) This position his friend alerted him to, and he is someone who does this work on the side as my husband would also be doing: in addition to another F/T job.
I am very hopeful that God is going to do a mighty work, even if it seems like something small~ He is going to work out His will in this situation, whatever it is. I am still waiting to hear back from one place that I submitted a resume to, and it is a bit frustrating~ I hear from friends that this place generally takes a month or more, usually two or three, to get back to people about offering positions or to deny them hire, but that is an awfully long time for someone who needs a job, and I feel like if they really do wait that long, our situation will already be figured out(one way or the other) and I will have to tell them,"You should have called me 2 months ago!" Lol! Oh, well. God is faithful: I', not going to worry about it. We just need to keep ourselves in obedience to His word and loving His people (even in our majorly-in-need-of-grace-but-still-kicking-even-if-half-dead much of the time way,hah ha!)

Today, I read Gideon again. I don't know, I seem to be opening up to him a lot lately just by accident. I can be tempted to think, Lord, why Gideon? After all, he was a man and Deborah is only a few pages before him, why not her? Lol! But I accept God's providence because I know that if He'd wanted me to open up to Deborah's story I would have, but I didn't. One of the character weakness Gideon displayed(according to my Application Study Bible by Tyndale, a great student-Bible)was a fear that his own limitations as a man with his personality would prevent God from being able to work in him and use him. Oh, how often I have said these words to the Lord~ "I can't"~ daily? Sometimes, is it hourly~ every 5 minutes???? Lol! Yes, I have had those kind of days where it seems like every five minutes I have been whining to the Lord about my lack of inherent qualifications, my inferior-to-the-task-at-hand genes, and my overall immaturity in the Word~ imagine being God, who has to deal with me! Lol! Oh, I have been guilty. So, so guilty of entertaining this same fear. Maybe that is why God keeps bringing Gideon's story into my face, for my eyes to wander over and my foolish heart to say,"Gideon again??"

Yes, Gideon again. There are lessons to be learned...
Did God ever ask you to head up a task that you felt you were ill-prepared for, so you didn't want to jump right in to working on it? I know I have. Gideon had this too; doubts about the call itself, guilt about following that call instead of another, equally-good looking call(to us,at least),and feelings of inadequacy to get the job done well... *Raises hand!* been there, done that.I have said in my heart"But Lord...." many times, especially when it comes to parenting. "But Lord.... are You sure you wanted me to be this child's mother??".... "But Lord... are You sure You want me to stay at home/be a homeschooling mother/use the rod/ support my husband in this when I *feel* like giving him a lashing with a wet noodle for even *thinking* it/ tell that guy about the Lord??/ Hug him now when he is so angry,God??....
My list goes on,and on.

I have felt my inadequacies and it has been humbling. Ladies,we all know this~ it easy to feel adequate and not only that but quite independent and rather capable, all puffed up with knowledge right after college graduation, ready to take on the free world as we know it. But, reality comes soon to poke little holes in that over-inflated balloon, until the leak begins to shrivel us up, and, we realize what power we have apart from Christ: Nothing. It is sobering; it is real. It is the end of dependence on ourselves, on our own understandings, on any of the foolish wisdom we picked up at that college we just paid out the nose to go to~ why it all has to be foolish knowledge, they can only teach us what God already knows and what little He has chosen to reveal to man. After graduating from the carnival of Man's Knowledge, let me tell you, you are going to long for a long, cleansing bath in The Word of God to get you clean because not only is it filthy in there(at times,rejecting God's wisdom and His Lordship) but it is also so cold that you go numb~ you start to think that your own, pitiful,worldly, knowledge can save you.... it can't.

So here we are all puffed up, feeling capable, and the slow leak begins to take us against our will off the college campus and back into reality. We have a kid we don't know what to do with,a boss we are overwhelmed by,a death we cannot explain,the answer "no" to trying to have a child; the possibilities of life go on and on. And we see our utter powerlessness; we are no longer so impressed with ourselves , if we are believers we know finally begin to be impressed by God ( if we aren't, we usually get very depressed, don't we? Don't worry, the Humanists will offer you a bottle of pills and Lot's of unending psychoanalytical therapy; you'll never get better but you may never know your lost. Don't you just deplore the worlds way?)

God becomes clearer in our eyes, in better focus. Ohhh, so He IS God!...umm, yeah. We were just to preoccupied with basking in our perceived-capability there for a few minutes ;)And we see we are nothing, not impressive, not hardly capable at all, highly contagious in our lack of faith and overall, not even very cute either (OH! the horror!) but as soon as we see all that, God intervenes, picks us up and dusts us off and shows us through His word "But, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."Philippians 4:13. Ohh, okay~ so this is the real life of a believer,recognizing our hopelessness and His power. I get it!

Or do I? Lol! Back to "But God..." :)

So, we all have our "But God!" moments, and Gideon had his,too. I can so often lose sight of the facts that it's God in control, and not me. HIM who is completing a work, and not me. I am just a hired hand, an ornery one at times in that, and,it is only through my complete submission to God that I can do anything good. To prevent self-sufficiency in Gideon's soldiers, God reduced their Army from 32,000 to 300. With an Army this small, there was no doubt that victory was from God.

God is reducing my self-sufficiency all the time, and graciously letting me know that I can He can give me the strength I need for any situation. When I'm whining again "But God?" yeah, that's when He reminds me of His sovereignty and power, when all I deserve is a smack in the head and for Him to say"It's not about you,stupid!When will you ever get it??" Lol!

No, he doesn't say when will you get it, because He is patient in a way the world can never fully comprehend. We can try, but none of us humans could ever grasp mercy the way He displays it. We are too self-centered,too ambitious. God is concerned with us, our salvation, though we are worms deserving of nothing!

Today I am reminded by God again,through Gideon's story,that I am not the one in charge and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Join me in washing over your hearts,too, with this word and come back and tell me all the difference it is making in your life! <3


Heather Smith said...

I too have many times where I say "I Can't!" But I know with Christ I can. Thanks for the reminder. And praying that God will show you just what you need to do about the job thing!

Heather said...

It is so hard to give it allll to the Lord. I fail many...many many times. Thank you for this reminder and I think I need to do some reading about Gideon :)