Jun 13, 2007

Friends, I'm hoping that you will pray for me after you read this post. I am continually struggling with the words of my mouth,but especially during difficult seasons of much temptation being paired with my own sin. I have been in the midst of a difficult season for awhile now, and I am getting very weary these days. Will you please pray that I will see God at work even when it *seems* as if He has forgotten us? That I will take every thought captive and meditate not on my thoughts but on His word, and also that I would show much self-control over the words that come out of my mouth during times of trial and temptation? And also, whatever comes up in your heart that you feel I might need prayer for. Thank You!!

As I have mentioned before in this blog, one of my sinful tendancies is to lecture people (I guess this really means persuade, er, attempt to control,them into seeing things the way I feel is the right way.) Setting the truth in front of them and backing off if they push it away is not exactly pleasing to my flesh. You guessed it, instead I really want to convince them that they actually Do want to follow God's ways, they just don't know it yet! (Or, they want to do what I think is a really good idea to do, they just haven't been convinced yet.lol.)I do with my kids, and my husband, and if your a close friend I probably haven't let you alone about something either. It's good to care for somebody's soul, but it's bad to not rest in God's timing for that person, and I'm aware of this.

I wish I could say that lecturing is the worst of it, but unfortunately I can't. Sometimes my biggest struggle with sin is saying sarcastic or hurtful things either to the person, or about the person=to myself grumbling, or to my husband or a friend= spouting frustration. I can try to justify it by saying this is the truth, and they have to look at it head-on, but this is not a loving way~ this is trying to use My power to change them (as if have any) and not trusting in God's power and His timing. I know this because I'm 'resorting' to this tactic when sharing the truth doesn't bring about change fast enough for ME. Also, God says to do all things as onto the Lord and to resist grumbling & complaining. He also says that I can do all things through Him, who strengthen me, so I have no excuse for leaving the path of goodness and His ways and resorting to sneaking in some of my ways in hopes to bring change faster. Really, it is my love for ease and comfort that tempts me to take matters into my own hands and it is my choosing to serve that desire rather than to keep on keeping on, steadfastly plodding away in service to the Lord,that is making idols out this desire in my heart. I don't believe that I set out to be hurtful, but maybe I do because I am seeking to scare the person into seeing their error and trying to elicit fear to get them to run to the cross and repent, and change. Once again, Not God's Way with his people! And when I am venting, well that's just an expression of anger and defeat with the whole situation and I know it is not pleasing to God for me to do this. I have not resisted temptation to do these things as much as I should be, so please pray in those areas and let's see how God changes my heart! I already desire to please Him, but I need to desire to please Him more than to please myself~ I think this can be a struggle for every one of us, at one time or another. But the escape to resist the temptation is given to me everytime, as the word says. So please pray that I will take the escape and stop giving into the temptation to control, or grumble and complain, so often? I am under serious temptation from within and without lately, and without getting into specifics, and sticking to the general, I am in a position of responsibility to care for the soul of a person who hurts me deeply time and time again, due to their own struggles. There is betrayal and lies, hatred of me for upholding a set standard of conduct often, and some of the ugliest words you can imagine that I am not pleased to see my younger children imitating. The temptation is great, living this way. There is also another person whom I have the same kind of responsibility towards who is lukewarm at best and very resistant to change, almost angry at being asked to change their ways into accordance to God's ways. I know that my biggest temptation is my own temptations to sin, so that's why I am, first off, asking for prayer for myself. But if you feel led would you please also cover my family and friends in prayer? The enemy is at work tempting all of us, in different ways, and it is a season of much spiritual struggle. You can see that I, especially, am not doing so hot! I desire to please God in all that I do, but I am a sinner, and but for grace~ well we all know where I would be! And I would deserve to be there 100%. Well, this is getting very long, but thank you for being willing to pray, I pray that God blesses you for it, and please pray for my family too that all of us will submit to God as Lord of our lives and live according to His will and under the umbrella of His great love.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in
Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

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